2015 Resolution

2014년 resolution은 다음과 같았다.

  • 하나님앞에서 죄 하나도 짓지 않기. (Do not commit any sin against God)
  • 사랑의 기술을 연마하자. (Improve and learn Love)
  • 게으르지 말자. (Move away procrastination)

죄를 짓지 않겠다는 Resolution을 작성할때부터 이것은 불가능이라는 강한 믿음이 있었는데, 역시나 믿음데로 되었다. 🙂 그것을 소망했던 것은, 성령님께서 나를 붙잡아 주셔서, 죄를 짓지 않도록 하는데 있었으나, 성령님이 나를 완전히 소화하도록 나는 나 자신을 포기하지 않음에 의하여 성령님이 나를 이끄시지 못하셨고, 나는 어김없이 옛모습으로 죄를 짓는데 주저함이 없었다.

사랑의 기술을 연마하려는 resolution 역시 실패인 듯 싶다. 사랑은 커녕, 소중한 사람들에게 상처만 한 다발씩 선물한 것 같다. 물론, 이유 없이 상처를 주지는 않았겠고, 나 역시 상처를 받은 것이 있기에, 상처를 주게 되는 악순환이 있었던 것 같다. 성숙하지 못한 인격으로 성숙을 배워야 할 사람이, 성숙으로 나가지 못하는 시간 낭비만 있었던 것 같다. 유기성 목사님께서 FB에 share 하셨던 말씀이 한가지 생각이 난다.

사랑하지 못하는 그리스도인?

여러분, 야구 못하는 야구선수 보셨습니까? 
농구 못하는 농구선수 보셨습니까? 
운전 못하는 운전기사를 보셨습니까? 
저는 아직까지 한번도 보지 못했습니다. 

마찬가지입니다. 
‘사랑하지 못하는 그리스도인’, 도무지 말이 안 되는 조합입니다.

만약 자신에게 아직 사랑이 없다고 느껴지면 야구 못하는 야구선수 같은 심정을 가져야 합니다. 그 마음의 애통함과 갈급함이 성령의 근심입니다.

어느 해 신년축복기도를 하는데 중 1학년 여자아이가 기도제목을 쓰기를 “세상을 너무 사랑합니다. 주님만 사랑하게 해주세요” 라고 썼습니다. 순간 중학교 1학년 여자 아이가 세상을 얼마나 사랑하며, 그 아이가 사랑하는 세상은 뭔가 하는 생각이 들었습니다. 그러나 그 아이로 하여금 그런 애통함을 느끼게 한 분이 성령님이심을 알았습니다.

이런 사람 만이 마음에 임하신 그리스도, 곧 능력 주시는 자를 통하여 사랑하며 살게 됩니다.

거절하면 죽을 것 같은 초대가 딱 하나 있습니다. 
오직 사랑만 하며 사는 삶을 살라는 초대입니다. 

이 초대장은 봉투에 담겨 오지 않습니다. 성경을 펼쳐 한 절 한 절 읽기 시작할 때, 무릅 꿇고 기도를 시작할 때, 잠잠히 주님을 바라볼 때, 마음 깊은 곳에서 계속하여 일어나는 것입니다. 

부유한 삶으로의 초대를 거절하는 사람은 없을 것입니다. 
하지만 사랑으로 충만한 삶을 살라는 초대를 거절하는 사람은 많습니다.
지금 당장 살 수 있는데 말입니다.

 

게으르지 말자라는 추상적이고도 무척 추상적인 resolution이 또 있을까? 알면서도, 나는 그 내포하는 나만의 의미가 있었기에 추상적이었지만, 2014 resolution에 넣어 두었었다. 그러나, 항상 선배들이 얘기해 주셨던, 구체적인 resolution이 아니기에 measure 할 수 없는 안타까움이 있다.

2015 Resolution

2015년 Resolution은 다시 정통의 방법인 구체적으로 쓰기로 한다.

  1. Reading
  2. Programming
  3. Faith
  4. Family
  5. Home Finance
  6. Friendship

(각 내용은 깊이 있게 썼으나, Private 한 내용이 너무 많아 Blog 에는 공개하지 않는다. 다만 따로 Secure 한 장소에 저장을 해 두고, 내년 말즈음에 Measure 할 수 있도록 해 두었다.)

구체적으로 쓰기는 했으나, 과연 이 모든 것이 2015년에 가능할 것인가는 사실 모르겠다. 그러나, 최선을 다해보고, 사람이 마음으로 자기 길을 계획 할찌라도 그 걸음을 인도하시는 이는 여호와이심 (잠언 16:9)을 믿으며, 편한 마음으로, 그러나 최선으로 살자.

최선이라는 말을 생각하니, 얼마전에 끝난 드라마 미생에서의 대사가 생각이 난다. “사회는 결과로 책임을 지지, 최선이라는 것은 학생때나 어울리는 말이다.” 라는 식의 대사였다. 동의 하는 대사이며, 맞는 말이다. 그러나, 최선이라는 것은 내가 할 수 있는 부분이고, 결과는 내가 할 수 없는 불가항력적인 것이다. 결과와 열매를 주시는 분은 하나님이시기에, 내가 할 수 있는 부분은 그저 내가 최선을 다하는 것외에는 없을 것이다. 물론, 결과를 예측하면서 최선을 다해야 하는 전제는 깔고 있어야 겠지.

모든것을 인도하시는 주님을 절대 신뢰하면서, 내가 해야 할 부분은 실천하면서, 행동하는 사람으로 2015년이 되기를 소망해 본다.

Did God talk to the other nation?

But King Neco sent messengers to Josiah with this message: “What do you want with me, king of Judah? I have no quarrel with you today! I am on my way to fight another nation, and God has told me to hurry! Do not interfere with God, who is with me, or he will destroy you.” (‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭35‬:‭21‬ NLT)

Looks like Egypt king got a message from our God and he was obeying to him. How could this be possible?

How God Embraces the Embarrassed

Original: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/how-god-embraces-the-embarrassed

Following is just copied from the site not to forget.

How God Embraces the Embarrassed

How God Embraces the Embarrassed

Whether it’s a laughable underwear-on-stage experience (laughable later), or a deeply unsettling loss of integrity, embarrassment is a besetting quality of human life. It lurks and stalks beneath the surface of our circumstances, waiting to sink its teeth into our every failing and loss — intentional or naive, serious or jovial, public or private, embarrassment is a trained hunter of human failure.

Getting Behind the Blush

As with any concept, it is best to begin with a clear definition. For our purposes, we will define embarrassment this way: The emotional experience of being judged by others, whether rightly or wrongly; perceived or real. This embarrassment has five basic components.

1. Escape

“I want to die.” “I want to fly away.” “I want to disappear.” “I want to stop existing.” “I want to go back in time.”

Naturally. We want to escape the people. Embarrassment is an experience of the reaction of others to our condition or experience.

And it’s nauseating. Our very bodies start running away from us, out of our control. Tears. Blush. Vomit. Embarrassment is an emotional nuclear meltdown — not a fit, but an uncontrollable and convulsive inside-out-ness. The structures that support us begin to fall — our operating system fails from overload, and we just. . . want. . . to. . . ugh. “Get me out of here.”

2. Shame

“I am unacceptable.” “I have defiled myself.” “People now see the worst of me.” “People see me as undesirable, dirty, disgusting.”

When embarrassed, we assume we have elicited the gag reflex in everyone around us. In that moment, we feel like a monstrosity at whom people tilt their heads, from whom parents hide their children’s eyes, whom adults only speak of in morbidly curious judgment. The embarrassed are self-professed psychics, hearing, “I didn’t know you were so creepy, gruesome, strange, icky, hideous, shameful.”

Choose your poison. It’s there. In the moment, in the emotion, embarrassment is laced with fatal doses of shame.

3. Loneliness

“Not only am I not okay. Everyone else is fine.” “I am the only one who would do something this stupid.” “I am the only one who would be this dumb.” The loneliness of embarrassment can take extreme forms. “I am the pure and full embodiment of failure.” “Others fail, but not like me.” “Others make mistakes, but not like an idiot, not like me.”

To be embarrassed is to feel alone. In whatever amount, loneliness is a universal ingredient in the embarrassment cocktail. Stigma. Social exile. Them over there … me over here. No matter the circumstances, in the moment and emotion of embarrassment, we are utterly isolated and distanced, banished from words like “normal,” “everyone,” and “belonging.” Embarrassment revokes our access to the word “us.”

4. Self-Deprecation

“I deserve their scorn.” “I deserve to be laughed at.” “I deserve to be demoted to a lower social caste.” “I hate myself.” “Why did God even make me?”

Self-deprecation is more than shame. It is articulated and pointed. Shame is a blunt weight on our back. Self-hatred is a knife in our own hand. Self-deprecation is also more than loneliness; it is rationalized: “You should be alone. Who would want to associate with you?” Self-deprecation is our natural inclination to answer embarrassment’s “Why?” with a staunch “Because of me — obviously, again — because of me.”

5. Legalism

“I could have prevented this if I had been better.” “I could have stopped this if I had done better.” “I have put myself here.” “It’s all my fault.” “It’s always my fault.”

Embarrassment remembers. It keeps a record of wrongs. When embarrassed, we feel the cutting edge of disapproval from God and neighbor. Embarrassment is the emotional experience of failed earthly justification — of failing to attain “righteousness of my own that comes from the law” (Philippians 3:9). “From the law.” Insert: the righteousness that comes from being wealthy, successful, morally upright, popular, stable, employed, and socially savvy. Now imagine all of the condemnation that can rip you to shreds when you drop a meatball in your lap at a business lunch. “Now there’s no hiding how stupid I am.”

Embracing God in Embarrassment

Embarrassment is an obnoxious suffering. It is not something of which we can repent. Embarrassment is an experience of losing control of one’s self and circumstances. Embarrassment is an emotional and spiritual reality in which it seems like God is either absent, laughing along with the crowd, or expecting us to just move on and get over it already. But God rushes in to offer several unexpected gifts for the embarrassed.

1. Escape

Perhaps surprisingly, God endorses our desire to escape — but he won’t let us escape him (John 10:28–29). The first embarrassing moment in history: Adam believes that God is coming against him as he hides in shame: “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10). God’s response? “Good. Run. Get out of here. We don’t want you here. Look at yourself: naked, shameful, sinful.” We expect it. But no. Never. “The Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden” (Genesis 3:23) “lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever” (Genesis 3:22).

God says, “Hey, let’s get you out of here. This place isn’t safe. What do you have there? Fig leaves? Here are some leather garments; you’re cold. Come with me.” Why? “Lest he. . . live forever.” Parsed simply: “I won’t let this be your life.” “I won’t let you be inside-out forever.” That feeling of ours is grievous and important to him (Isaiah 51:3).

2. Protection

God is urgently involved in protecting the embarrassed — but he won’t let us run away from hard experiences either. In the moment of embarrassment, let the words of Genesis 3 show us God’s disposition toward the embarrassed: Notlaughing in agreement, but rushing to your aid. “Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me” (Psalm 54:4). You want to escape? God is helping you to do just that — but you won’t escape him, and you won’t run away. He will rush into your embarrassment, break you out of hopelessness by strengthening your feeble arms (Colossians 1:112 Thessalonians 3:3), and stand with you as your honor no matter your circumstances (Psalm 62:7). He does not mock. He does not forsake (Deuteronomy 31:8Psalm 37:28).

“In your embarrassment, God is not laughing in agreement, but rushing to your aid.”

3. Perspective

A moment of embarrassment is like a moment of severe pain — all of our attention is on the bruise, the sprain, the break, the gash. Most often, we are powerless before embarrassment. It is locomotive, overpowering, controlling. But as we spin into our emotional tornado, God gives us relational grips to reach for. However embarrassed we feel, this moment will not last in the minds of others around us. Remember: embarrassment isn’t about the thing — embarrassment is about our experience of how other people experience us.

So let’s split up the opinion of others into unbelievers and believers. (1) To the unsanctified, the sinful heart is too self-involved to indulge in the downfall of others for long — they “seek their own desire” (Proverbs 18:1), “set their minds on the things of the flesh” (Romans 8:5), and are only bent on their own universe, even to their detriment — they “immediately forget what [they look] like” (James 1:24). And (2), to the sanctified, there is grace (Colossians 4:6), tenderheartedness (Ephesians 4:32), and even protection to be received. People do not have the energy to harbor such sadistic scorn for long. And if they do, it certainly does not reflect the attitude of the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 6:6; cf. 2 Corinthians 6:3–8).

People can be cruel to us, but often not as treacherous as we are to ourselves.

4. Communal Acceptance

Christians are often the first people to have a reason to qualify love, “Yes, God forgives them. . . . but they should be ashamed.” “. . . but let’s be real.” “. . . but they should know better.” “. . . but they should do/be better.” This is a failure to “rid [ourselves] of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from [our] lips” (Colossians 3:8). Embarrassed people already know that they have not made ideal choices or been placed in ideal circumstances. They need Jesus Christ, not a qualified personal Christian opinion (Hebrews 13:20–21).

We should “make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Romans 14:19), we “should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up” (Romans 15:2), and we should “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

The embarrassed need to receive Christ through real flesh and blood people (2 Corinthians 7:6). Because embarrassment is primarily an emotional experience of other people, then the church, as other people, is in the perfect place to dispel the myth that they are under judgment, shame, or worthy of self-hatred. The church needs to find an “us” with the embarrassed. “Hey, I know you probably have tons of emotions swirling around. . . but this one time I messed up big, and was so embarrassed. Let me tell you my story.” “. . . but my spouse left me as well, and I’m here to talk if you ever want to.” “. . . but by the way, nobody is gossiping about this. We all just love you and hope you’re okay.”

Acceptance “from God” is real, and perhaps helpful long-term. But very often, what we need is acceptance from God in the form of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ (Romans 15:7). In this way, the people of God combat both loneliness and shame.

5. Words

The last place the embarrassed will go is Scripture. Why would we go to a book that shames us? “Be holy, because I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16). The embarrassed are not a holy people. Or are they? Where would we fit in Scripture? It’s obvious. Out. Out where? Probably “the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 13:42). Yes, there.

Well, maybe not. Scripture doesn’t cast us out. There are more fitting and redemptive roles to play for the embarrassed. God wrote embarrassment into the script of redemptive history, and therefore the Christian life — it’s part of the plan. For those who have sinned, God gives the words, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me” (Isaiah 49:14). For those who have suffered, “Let the day perish on which I was born, and the night that said, ‘A man is conceived’” (Job 3:3).

Okay, so there are words for the embarrassed, but are there any positive words? Yes. Look to the crucified criminal. Publicly displayed, without excuse, exiled, punished, ashamed, naked, utterly embarrassed, interjecting into Jesus’s cry of dereliction, “Remember me” (Luke 23:42). The criminal is “crucified with Christ” (Galatians 2:20), who cries “Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

Embarrassment, rejection, exile, shame, and loneliness are all real. And so the embarrassed are a people who cry “Why have you forsaken me?” with Jesus, who says to them, “You will be with me” (Luke 23:43), and “Can a woman forget her nursing child. . . ? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” (Isaiah 49:15–16). To the embarrassed, Jesus is not just with us. He is one of us. Not embarrassed of us, but standing withus. He calls us his own.

In moments of embarrassed shame, loneliness, self-hatred, and failure, God gives the embarrassed his very Son (Romans 8:32), protection, perspective, acceptance, and words to say when (not if) embarrassment comes. The Redeemer is not surprised by our embarrassment, and he is not unprepared for it either.

하나님께 모든것을 드린다는 것

Mark 10:17-22 (마가복음 10:17-22)에 보면, 부자 청년이 나온다.

이 청년은 어떻게 하나님의 나라를 유업으로 받을 수 있을 것인가 고민을 했고, 예수님께 나아왔다.

그러나, 그는 뭔가 잘못 알은 것이 있다.

첫째는 예수님을 선한 선생님이라고 한 것인데, 18절에 예수님이 “선”한 분은 하나님외에는 없다고 고쳐주신다.

둘째는 율법위에 있는 믿음과 사랑에 대한 이해의 부족이다.

21절에 보면, 예수님은 정말 그를 사랑하는 마음으로 “모든 재산을 팔아 가난한 사람들에게 나누어 주고, 나를 쫓아라”라는 것을 얘기해 주었다. 나는 여기에 예수님이 그를 바라보는 그 사랑의 눈빛에 오늘 촛점이 맞추어졌다.

예수님은 부자에 대해서 판단 (Judge) 하거나 비난하는 눈이 아니었다.

예수님은 무언가 더 나은 삶을 위해 재산을 팔라고 하신 것이 아니었다.

예수님은 다른 사람과 비교하여 더 겸손해 지는 것이 더 높아지는 이유가 있어서 그렇게 하라고 한것도 아니었다.

예수님은 그것을 억지로, 또는 재산의 일부라도 예수님이 받으려고 하는 것도 없었다.

예수님은 진정한 마음으로 그를 “사랑”하는 눈빛으로 “사랑”하는 마음으로, 그러나 진실로 그에게 다가가 얘기하셨다. “네 재산을 팔아 가난한 사람들에게 나누어 주면, 네 보물이 하늘에 쌓일 것이다. 그리고 나를 쫓으라.”

만일 재산을 팔라는 얘기만 들었으면, 이것은 뭔가 억지가 되거나 마음이 뭔가 석연치 않은 그런것이 있을 수도 있다. 그러나, 그가 예수님을 “믿는”다면, 그리고, 그 예수님의 “사랑”을 100% 의지하고 신뢰했다면, 그는 그 말을 따를 수 있었을 것이다.

이것은 현재 나에게도 적용이 된다. 예수님을 “믿는”다면, 그 모든 것을 다 잃어 버린다 하더라도, 나는 정말 행복 할 수 있을 것 같다. 예수님 한분이라면… 그래서 행복하다. 그 모든 것을 회복시키실 주님을 믿고 의지하며, 오늘의 현실의 괴로움과 왜곡된 삶 속에서 하루하루의 영적 전쟁에 승리할 수 있으리라.

겸손과 교만

크리스챤 - 겸손과 교만

 

겸손은 미안한 마음이고, 교만은 서운한 마음입니다.

겸손은 감사한 마음이고, 교만은 불만입니다.

– Facebook, 크리스천 page 에서…